Common reactions after suicide
It can be difficult to understand and process the emotions that arise after someone you love has taken their own life. A suicide constitutes a crisis for everyone involved and most reactions are normal, including
- feelings of shock, confusion and unreality
- guilt, shame
- loneliness
- emptiness, meaninglessness
- anxiety and unease
- sleeping difficulties and nightmares
- anger, blame
- feeling abandoned and let down
- relief
Feelings such as anger, betrayal or relief may be particularly difficult as many people feel guilty about feeling this way. These feelings can also be harder to accept and talk about with others. This can make the situation even more stressful.
Many people need to talk about what happened. After a suicide, it is common for people to want to frequently talk about what happened.
Be patient with yourself
It is important to remember that there is no “right” way in which to react. Different people experience grief in different ways.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is to accept your feelings. Accept that the grieving process will take time. Don’t try to hurry things along.
Try to get enough rest and enough to eat and drink. It can also be a good idea to try to keep up some of your everyday activities. Exercise and other activities you normally enjoy may feel like a “break from the grief”.
Seek support and help
Seek support from friends and family. They can provide comfort, company and assistance with practical tasks.
Many people find that it helps to talk to others who have also lost someone to suicide. LEVE - the national association for the next of kin of suicide victims offers, among other things, bereavement groups and conversation with people who have been through similar experiences.
You should consider seeking professional help. Many municipalities have a crisis team.You can find information about this on the municipality’s website. You can also get help from your GP. The GP can give you a referral to a psychologist if necessary. If you need urgent help and your GP is not available, please contact the out-of-hours medical service at 116 117.
You can find more advice on how to deal with grief here.
Children who have lost someone to suicide
Children are different and react differently to suicide. It is important that children have adults around them who have time for them. Make sure that the children have the opportunity to express their emotions, including anger or relief. Provide space for all the emotions children experience and avoid attempting to correct the way in which they grieve.
Be open
Tell the children what happened. Keeping things secret can lead to the children making up their own explanations. Use words that the children are able to understand and that are appropriate for their age and development.
Talk to the children about what they think led to the suicide and try to correct any misconceptions they may have. Bring up any rumours they may have heard and provide clarification.
Tell the children that what happened was not their fault. Explain that suicide is neither a common nor a good solution to problems. This can help reduce any anxiety or fear that others in the family might also commit suicide.
Support the children and help them deal with any questions about what happened. Involve the school or kindergarten.
Allow the children to be part of the practical aspects
Children should be given the opportunity to participate in the planning and holding of funerals and memorials.
Facilitate meetings with people who have been through similar experiences
If possible, let the children meet other children who have lost someone they loved.
Read more about grief in children.
Download LEVE’s brochure How to support young people who have lost someone to suicide (pdf, in Norwegian).